Seasonal Greetings by Robin Trimingham
I was thinking of that old expression “let a smile be your umbrella” today as a woman roared past me in her car today scowling and shouting that I was driving “like a grannie”.
I was doing 42 mph in a narrow side street clogged with parked cars at the time, so her extreme frustration confused me more than anything (we grannies never really understand why everyone else is in such a rush), but as this is the season of self-imposed stress, I did feel a little badly that my actions had been the thing that finally drove her straight over the edge (pardon the pun).
What is it about the holidays that makes everyone go completely nuts?
Far from me carrying that smiling umbrella, I think some people should come equipped with a flashing hazard cone hat, or at least a t-shirt with stamped with a bold warning that person’s coming within six feet of them are entering the “splash zone” – a place where you are libel to be hit with insults, body checks, or whatever beverage they are attempting to consume while texting and walking.
I miss the good old days when all you had to do to let someone know that you didn’t like them was send them a Christmas card without a personal message inside it – just a frosty stoic signature scrawled below the obligatory holiday wishes in a rushed penmanship that suggested that perhaps the babysitter had been coerced into signing for you.
Boy oh boy did that teach people a lesson as they frantically scanned their own Christmas card list to see whether they had sent you one, and then wasted a good 30 minutes trying to figure out how to discretely thank you for this half-hearted gesture in a pseudo-sincere way before the 15th of January! (g)
Now it’s all so complicated.
To e-greet, or not e-greet that is the question. If I spend an agonizing hour searching for the perfect rendition of cartoon squirrels dancing to the theme song for the nutcracker on a snow-covered tree branch will you actually open my greeting or will it languish unopened in your inbox until Easter, or worse go direct to your spam folder?
Would I be better served to post a holiday message to all 80,000 of you on Facebook in the hopes that a couple thousand of you are awake and online when it hits your newsfeed? Or should I post it in random pieces on Instagram and make you hang around for a whole week to see a picture of my Yorkie wearing a Santa hat? Decisions, decisions …
Then again, there is that whole 12 days of Christmas thing – which confuses me just as much as all my non-Christian friends. We’ve all heard the song and know that it has something to do with leaping lords and a partridge – but can anyone explain to me why it is sitting in a pear tree and how I am supposed to find one with green leaves in the dead of winter?
It’s all so exhausting, I need a long winter’s nap – and possibly a sleigh (to keep me from holding up traffic in side streets). Tee he he.
Yes, I’m a little annoying, but thinking good thoughts for all of you in the season of joy. xox
By Robin Trimingham